The lost lake troll

The creature She stood fully 12 feet tall
When she strode cross the campsite grounds
Her hairy knuckles they drug in the dirt
As she’d sniff each cabin on her rounds

Her yellow eyes swept back and forth
Looking for even the tiniest mistake
There’s dust right here, there’s grease over there
Her massive fists she would shake 

She knew if a thing had been moved or used
And would growl her disapproval
Even when it hadn’t been bothered
She would wait for its removal 

Now Odin looked down from up on high
I will lay this creature low
He placed a foul curse upon her head
And waited for her to go 

The creature shook its mighty head
And shouted at the sky
Is that the very best you can do?
I am far too evil to die! 

On Dregate land is where she lives
and none could challenge her reign
Lady Dubheasa she went toe to toe
And even this ended without troll pain 

Her unpleasant nature knew no bounds
We knew something must be done
If we approached the Kiwanis.. I mean head trolls
This creature couldn’t ruin our fun 

A band of brave fighters and orators assembled
To battle the horrid loathsome beast
The ground beneath them shook and it trembled
The troll was not worried in the least 

The brave Group entered the horrible lair
And stood before the Kiwanis.. I mean trolls
They laid out details of their righteous case
There was no way her head would not roll

The trolls sat quiet some with tears in their eyes
Obviously we were right
They slowly conferred with nays and I’s
We knew just knew we had won this fight 

Finally… 

They looked down from their lofty heights
And quietly said You’re dismissed
We would love to help your righteous cause
But the troll, she might get pissed 

The moral of this story then
Is a sad and depressing sin
Against a horrible forest troll

Ode to the feastocrats 

Just how many eggs do we need do you think
And how long does this stuff take to cook
Is it possible to fit more in the sink I wonder
The recipe I NEED is at home in a book 

Do you think they will notice that this is not period?
Do you think they will even care?
I thought of making it right but it would taste really bad
It smells just like boiling underwear 

I have made just enough for 75 people
You say that one hundred showed up?
Well I guess we could boil another bag of rice
You are kidding..we only have one cup? 

The baroness is asking if we have chicken without meat
She says she is a strict vegetarian
She cannot abide by the menu I have planned
In real life she is a strict veterinarian.. huh? Huh? 

Now the first revel feast had an unfortunate guest
Who met an untimely gruesome end
If you are a lamb and Killian and Ulfgar ask you to stay
It isn’t because they‘re your friends 

(and that’s all I have to say on that..ask around) 

Seraphine made a feast that was most entertaining
Not one dish was as it did appear
Dubheasa has made more than anyone living
Not a feast theme alive does she fear 

My lady wife Runa cooked a delicious huge bounty
so much that we even fed the troll
Conuil cooked a whole pig but not in the ground
The troll wouldn’t let him dig the hole 

Melissa helped us visit the island of Greece
there was food wrapped in pretty green leaves
Kenna impressed us with a hall full of gold
And foods that were filling and sweet 

Dalbach slash Jack made us all yell for more
For foods that had traveled far and wide
I hope I have forgotten no one from the past
If so could you give me someplace to hide? 

Now I have played side kick again and again
And figured it was finally my turn
I hope you enjoy this Scandinavian fare

Dregate Had Some Little Lambs

Dregate had some little lambs
Who’d finally had enough
The game we call the sheep skirmish
Had gotten a little bit rough 

Now all the ewes know far and wide
That Dregate loves their sheep
But every so often a thing occurs
Which haunts them in their sleep 

The fighters here all take up arms
For a game they all find fun
With armor on they take the field
Yet armor, the sheep get none 

With lay on called the carnage starts
Which goes for most of a day
Tossed and battered, dropped and thrown
And not in a very nice way 

Their fleece gets filled with sticks and dirt
No longer white as snow
This madness that they call a game
Well surely it must go 

So the ewes all got together then
And formed a little group
They would not stand for such as this
They’d knock THEM for a loop 

The next day another round was planned
Of this twisted little game
But the flock was more prepared this time
It would not end the same

The ewes it seems were not so dumb
Spent time discussing plans
They used there fleecy feminine wiles
And hired on a Ram 

The sun it rose up nice and bright
The ewes all had a smile
And as the fighters took the field
The ram burst from the pile 

The fighters stood with a look of awe
His horns were huge and deep
This would not be an easy day
Of fondling the sheep 

Warlord Conuil took up the stance
He was meaner, true, than many
They stared each other up and down
The resemblance was uncanny 

The ram he reared and made a charge
There heads in the middle they met
We all knew that his head was hard
But the rams was harder yet 

Killian next he stood his ground
Slammed sword upon his shield
But ewes hit him from three sides at once
And left him on the field 

Cerdic got into their sites
his spear was lowered then
But then he caught one in the junk
He’d forgot his cup again 

Garvin was the next in line
Ah crap! he shouted out
A ewe had bit upon his arse
It was quickly becoming a rout

Our Champion Lochlin sidled forth
His speed it had no match
The ewes attacked him over and over
But him they could not catch

The ewes they huddled up in plan
they were very clever sheep
They walked in a line in front of him
And put Lochlin to sleep 

The dread shepherd was the last to stand
This one could ruin the plan
They could not bring themselves to strike
Good thing they brought the ram 

The ram it eyed him up and down
And Ihon gazed right back
But something about that gambeson
it made him kinda sick 

The swirling colors held his gaze
The yellow, the green, the brown
The ram he felt his stomach churn
He fought to keep it down 

Now Ihon was no fool it seems
This was part of his master plan
If it worked upon the rest of the shire
It must work on the ram

The ram took two steps forward then
He wavered again and again
He couldn’t look upon it more
And passed out their and then 

Lord Ihon cast an angry eye
The guilt showed on them all
the ewes they shuffled all about
And wandered back to the stall

 The fighters stood up from the field
Though Cerdic took his time
They brushed the dirt off of themselves
And staggered off in a line 

Now Dregate loves their sheep its true
But I have got some news
They are a little nicer now
When playing with their ewes